If you follow your bliss, you'll have your bliss whether you have money or not. If you follow money, you may lose the money, and then you don't even have that. The secure way is really the insecure way and the way in which the richness of the quest accumulates is the right way.

- Joseph Campbell

always

please Dont leave.

It's all about the exposure, the lens I told her. The angles were all wrong now. She's ripping wings off of butterflies.

So one day he found her crying, coiled up on the dirty ground. Her prince finally came to save her, and the rest you can figure out. But it was a trick, and the clock struck twelve.Well make sure to build your home brick by boring brick or the wolf's gonna blow it down.

DREAMER

Little girl was the first reason to breathe.
And the little man was the first man she believed in,
She gotta live right and do right by self.

She do for self, she don’t want your help.
Afraid of being alone,
But fear aint enough to knock her off of that stone.
Gonna make that home her home,
with or without a man that she can call her own.

Big boss at work is anxious, continues to hand her the wrong advances.
She passes the test, she knew the answers, quit the job to go take a chance with life.
This is life we all scream, while we pray for dollars and we work for change.
Its all the same, we all struggle, sometimes you gotta say

fuck you.

When you smile and she doesn’t return it, give her room and don’t disturb it.
If it makes it hurt less to curse and fight, go ahead and hate the world girl you’ve earned the right.

you know that thing, that no one does?

TELL THE TRUTH.

yea i tottally don't understand why the hell NOT? ? Like if your in a relationship with someone, you tell the truth because they're your partner, right? They're supposed to be the ones you trust the most right? Aren't they supposed to think of you always? At least be in the back of your mind if your doing something your not supposed to?

right?....

well that's not the case in this situation. And it sucks...its not like he lies to me CONSTANTLY, but he's done it enough for me not to trust him ever again. Literally. When he's doing something he's not supposed to, i'm not at all in his mind. Not one thought.... well at least that's what he says. "I wasn't thinking." WTF DOES THAT MEAN? Yea i know that's like a little saying "idk what i was thinking." but seriously, you were thinking SOMETHING?! How the HELL are you talking to a 16 year old girl I've known for half my life and not know what you were thinking? You know damn well, ONE FUCKING THOUGHT ran through your mind that, that wasn't even at all right or it wasn't gonna hurt me.

soooo, i just wanted to thank you.

1. For being another lesson L E A R N E D.

2. For letting me know that, NOW I CANNOT trust ANYBODY on this planet.

You were someone i thought was gonna change my mind about the male species.

You were so different in the beginning, and i soon learned you're just like everybody else ive been with.

I probably sound like a drama queen, but isn't everything i just said sensible? I mean, i KNOW what he did was straight out fucking wrong. And i have every right to be angry.

Dont i? I Dont know anymore....i thought i was over it, but i guess not huh?

NO, im not okay, and I Dont know what to do.

simpin'

Relationships are like glass.

Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

its sad that

the person whos supposed to make me feel better and cheer me up, is the reason im sad in the first place. I dont get what he doesnt get. You get respect when you give it, and if your not giving it, then YOU DONT FUCKING GET IT. simple. I swear, i honestly dont think we'll last that much longer. Always and forever may come sooner than i thought. only because we're tottally different people, and not compatable at all. i cant handle you being an asshole A L L T H E T I M E and i dont wanna ask you to change, but even if i did...you wouldnt, even if it were to save our relationship....yea i might be a pain in the ass, but serriously if you JUST PAYED ATTENTION TO WHAT I ASK FOR. which arent that fucking hard to give...well maybe i wouldnt be the way i am with you.
im hoping i stick with what im saying im gonna do, which is not GAF. because i always give in.
only because i love you ore than everything in the universe, i love you more than i love myself. i love you like you have no idea. i love you with the fire of one thousand suns. No less.
but you dont get it.

DREAMER.

She gotta live right and do right by self.
She do for self, she don’t want your help!
Afraid of being alone
But fear aint enough to knock her off of that stone,
Gonna make that home her home
with or WITHOUT a man that she can call her own.

woah let it.

my little slice of perfection.

isnt she just perfect?♥ ♥ ♥

simp.

so in love,
Thunderstorms could never stop me.

My heart's a stereo
It beats for you, so listen close
Hear my thoughts in every note, oh oh.
Make me your radio
Turn me up when you feel low
This melody was meant for you
Just sing along to my stereo


I think I finally found a note to make you understand
If you can hit it, sing along and take me by the hand
Just keep me stuck inside your head, like your favorite tune
You know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you...

Say that I'm simp and I'm sprung; all of the above, I can't help he makes me say,

Adam,

whatta dream boat;]
love him.

:)

mei ling, jazmin & steff, miss them soooo much.

amanda&manuel

i miss them soooo much, they were a couple of the best friends i've ever had:)

they were also thee cutest couple everrrr:}

this girl has come a long way,

from being treated like dirt, to being treated the way she deserves. I dont even know what kind of person i'd be if i didnt have ivan. I thank G O D for him, everyday. Im absolutely grateful, and so so lucky to have a boyfriend like him.

For two years i was treated like i wasnt important...i dont know why i stayed so long, from the very BEGINNING, he wasnt at all a good boyfiend. I feel stupid, for wasting such precious time. Because of those two years my mind is forever f u c k e d, and because of him i will always have the sad, scared, vulnerable little girl inside of me.

But you know what, im thanking that person. For putting me through all of what he did. ive learned so much, and have grown into a stronger person. stronger mind. stronger soul. and somehow, i have forgave him, but at the same time i dont think i ever will...so F U C K Y O U, & T H A N K Y O U.

baby shower laura threw for me:]

Danny Zuko

Before i was even five, i'd dance and sing every word of all the songs in this movie. Down to every dance move. I'd mimmik everything they'd say. This movie will forever be one of my top favorties.

soooooOOooo

saturday, is infact finally my baby shower. well the one ivans momma is throwing for me...i want to throw one with my family...but their side's is tumorrow and im super excited:)
im excited because i havent met more than half ivans family! they're arr out in moreno valley...and HIS DAD:) im super excited to meet him, ivan always talks the world of his dad and he sounds great. anyy way i will post pictures, laura will be sure to take a guhzillion:]
i'll keep this updated.

seeyuhlaytuh.

why so serious,

?

i know she was attractive.

but i was here first.

survey? why the fuck not.

How many people do you currently have feelings for?
O N E

What are you doing tonight?
sleeping.

Some random girl comes up to you and says ‘who the fuck are you?’ you say?
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU??

What did you do today?
ate ice.

Do you hate the last person you had a conversation with?
i wanna say yes, but i'd be lying.

Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
yea, its sad.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody?
yea, somewhere.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000?
yea. aha.

Are you someone who worries too often?
yea i guess you can say that.

If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard could you still type?
no not that well.

In the past week have you cried?
yes.

Do you still talk to the person you fell hardest for?
im currently in a relationship with him.


Is anyone ignoring you right now?
I don’t believe so.

Are you thinking about anyone?
yea and how much of an asshole, dickhead, dirtball jerk off he can be.

Last time you laughed your head off?
idr. sadly.

Last night.
wasnt much.

If you could change one thing this year about your life, would you?
well, the way things are going now. yes.

Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning?
dye my hair.

Is there someone who has seen you at your worst?
yes.

Are you counting down for anything?
uhm the 23rd of july, for my baby shower.
and the end of august...for my bebe:}

Do you regret doing anything you’ve done this week?
nope.

Do you like getting told what to do?
NO.

What’s your hair look like today?
Poop.

Is something bothering you right now?
yea i wanna go home.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
im already in love yo.

Who makes you smile the most?
ivannivardotorres.

What time did you wake up today?
i ferget, i think like 2?

What’s the first thing you did this morning?
went pee.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
ivan.

What were you doing last night midnight?
sitting on ivans moms couch doing absolutely nothing.

Was last night terrible?
not terrible, but nt great.

When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
no, i make fun of myself and carry on.


What’s so special about what you’re wearing?
absolutely nothing.

Who are you currently texting?
i left my ph one at my house -___-

Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
reject.

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
doubt it.

What does your 20th Text say?
i dont know at the moment.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
uhm too late. i am. currently. baha.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
yes. he did actually. but too bad i didnt believe a dam word outta that aopology.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
i hope not.

Explain the last time you threw up?
uhm. taco bell. tomatoes. chives. shower. gross.

Do you have a bad temper?
nope.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
i hope so!

Who has made the biggest influence on your life?
honestly, ivan.

Do you fight with this person?
everyday prolly.

What do you miss the most?
leilani linda, october 10th 2010, olivares and easier times.

i know you know.

She took the steps to carry on and she stayed strong. You thought she'd fall while you were gone, but you were wrong.

There is no me,

if i cannot have you.

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, I'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds.

goodtimes:]

great times
:]

miss yous.

i miss each one of you.

thats the kinda dude i was lookin fo'

& YES you'll get slapped if you're lookin' hoe.

i want you to take over control.

One single touch from you; im gone. Still get the rush when im alone...

skrew the rules.

and skrew you too.

dont you get it.

resentment

I wish I could believe you
Then I'll be alright
But now everything you told me
Really don't apply
To the way I feel inside

Loving you was easy once upon a time
But now my suspicions of you have multiplied
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forgive this
But I'm much too full of resentment

Just can't seem to get over the way you hurt me
Don't know how you gave another
Who didn't mean a thing, no
The very thing you gave to me

I thought I could forgive you
And I know you've changed
As much as I wanna trust you
I know it ain't the same
And it's all because you lied

I only give you a hard time
'Cause I can't go on and pretend like
I haven't tried to forgive this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I may never understand why
I'm doing the best that I can, and I
I tried and I tried to forgive this
But I'm much too full of resentment

I'll always remember feeling
Like I was no good
Like I couldn't do it for you
like the way your mistress could
And it's all because you lied

Loved you more than ever
More than my own life
The best part of me I gave you
Yeah, I would sacrifice
And it's all because you lied

I know she was attractive
But I was here first
Been riding with you for six years
Why did I deserve
To be treated this way by you?

I know you're probably thinking
What's up with B?
I've been crying for too long
What did you do to me?

I used to be so strong
But now you took my soul
I'm crying, can't stop crying
Can't stop crying

You could've told me you wasn't happy
I know you didn't want to hurt me
But look what you've done to me now
I gotta look at her in her eyes
And see she's had half of me
SHE AINT EVEN HALF OF ME.
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME NOW.


and its all because you lied.
How could you lie?

you dont understand...

How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man.

You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed ...

But you're just a boy
you dont understand.

my day

ahhhh...so i woke up sweating at around ten-ish to find out my airconditioner took a shit...so here it is 105 degrees outside, no excuse me, it was 108...but scorching hot with nooo AC. *FML right? they didnt fix it till round one and in the mean time i was sitin in front of my fan and under the cealing fan in my hot room. brit came over today...no aiden tho:/ havent seen him in forever, i miss him buttloads...hes getting soo big. and so is miss emery:) shes gonna be one on the seventeenth of this month:D she walking and talking now, its thee most adorable thing in the world, i swear... she says things like "uhh-oohh" and "HIIIIII!" her smile can brighten up a whole room...shes great and fun to have around.

i had a doctors appointment today, got to hear little ones heart beat:) its always soo cute...knowing im growing a human in my uterus!:p

i took a napp around five, i went to bed around four thhis morning, so i was exhausted...i woke up bout 8:40, im hoping im still a bit tired later and i go back to sleep, i have lots to do tomorrow. gotta get up and doo this glu-cose, sugar drink thing at the doctors office, and i have no idea how long that will take...but i have to get it done...then i gotta go to the mall n pick up my check, then come back to indio to cash it. THEEEN, go to the ledge and help my gramma decorate for her big retirement party...then go home get ready for the party then go back and have a good time:p

aghhhhhh...SOOO, im also really stressed lately, worrying alot really...about how im gonna make it, im not doing too hot right now at hotdog, and ivan doesnt have a job yet, so im just worried on how im gonna do about the money situation with the baby n all:[

ivan will get a job soon, i pray before this precious baby comes...

god will get me through all this...he doewnt ever put you to something he doesnt think you can get through(:

im just trana be positive in all this crap goin on and hoping for the best.

well

looks like im bak too updating this thing! its been so long...like a year already...so much CRAP has happened..like...UGH. haha good stuff mostly tho...! lets skip all thee UNIMPORTANT S H I T and start from october. I met this crazy beautiful wonderful person named IVAN TORRES. he is by far one of thee most important men in my life. i met him october tenth twothousand ten and litterally ever since then we have been inseperable. i swear it was so crazy and it happend super fast...its my favorite story to tell. i fell in love with him the second i layed eyes on those dimples of his:] they're beautiful. his face, his body language, the scar above his lip, the way he walks with his hands in his pockets and the way he messes with his hair when he drives. everything. it amazes me everyday of thee amount of love i have for him.

ok, so...get this. i know i was always the one to say i'd be the last one to get pregnant, well...i guess i was real wrong...it took just one stupid time for it to happen...but they always told me thats all it takes...and i was a real big dummy about it...beacuase it happened. so i am currently seven months pregnant, with a baby girl. in the beggining we were not going through with having her, we wernt and still not financially stable...were young, and still have soo much left to do. we went to san bernandino, to try and "get rid of it" but it didnt work out...so that car ride home, was intense and really silent...i didnt know i was THAT far along...i was terrified, and still am. ive accepted it now, and so has everybody else...

so now, ivan and i are going to have a baby by the end of august or early september...and we're both so excited and super anxious. i cannot wait.