I've been.

its so hard to try and find motivation. motivation to do literally anything. to get up in the morning. to eat, to brush my damn teeth...to do anything but sit or lay on the couch and scroll through n app that does nothing but contribute to my decreasing mental health. its sad. I know, so don't think I don't. its like im a willing slave to this shit. its an actual drug. I don't know how to stop. honestly if there was rehab for social media id be the first one to sign up cause im so fed up feeling like this.

I get these shiny moments of feeling energized and motivated and happy.
and when I say shiny moments, I mean a whole (literal) 2 seconds. a lil fleeting moment. a lil glimpse. of "oh my god I wanna do my makeup." "im gonna be productive" "im fly as hell what am I doing sitting on this couch"

Im completely aware of what takes to be productive. I know it starts with me. I know it starts with me getting my ass up and willingly kicking the days ass.
usually these days have been brutally BEATING my ass.
 I don't know how to explain this feeling that I've been feeling. I quit my job to spend more time with my kids. and that fills my heart with so much joy that I get to spend my days with them. But I know that im so unhappy...but I can't explain for my life as to WHY that is. i wish I knew .