http://ashesfallingdowwn.blogspot.com/2011/09/simp.html this happens to me. This beautiful boy I've had the honor of knowing,and kissing. The most beautiful boy I've ever encountered...and also the most devil of a boy I've ever met.
i will never forget the way you used to look at me. the way you used to call me pretty. or the way you held me. The time i asked you to just take me somewhere, anywhere. and you drove straight to the park where we had the most amazing night of our life. to have the second most favorite night of our life. we laid on the soccer feild in the cold November weather. looking at the moon and stars regretting not bringing a blanket. we didn't really care that much,we held each other and that was just enough. i will never forget watching forrest gump, inception, or despicable me with you. waking up in the middle of the night to those movies still playing and not even caring to turn it off because it was comforting. i will never forget the night i came home from disneyland...possibly my most favorite night of everrr...you sat at the open window with a metal chair listening and waiting for me to get home...and the second i walked through the door you hugged me like i'll never forget ivan, you just held me for the longest two minuets of my life...i had missed your warmth so much and promised myself that night on that i would never choose to spend another night away from you, its just too painful,even to this very second... i never for one second of the time that ive known you have ever fallen out of love with you. your the most beautiful boy I've ever met...and always will be. i pray to god you remember these things as vividly and as much as i do. you were thee most important thing in my life other than aleina. i adored every second i had with you. i always always alwwwwayyyys ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS look at you in awe and think about how i was thee most luckiest girl in the world ivan, thought my bad luck was lifted when you wallced into my life. your just so beautiful, everything about you. your face, your body, your wardrobe and attitude. everything. mind, body and soul. your everything i wished for, everything i could've asked for, and everything i wanted. i was 100% invested in you,my whole heart and soul was DEVOTED TO YOU.i was possibly THEEEEE MOST HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. i cant imagine life without knowing you ivan, i thank god alot of days that i have you still, and let him know i appreciate you. even though your not technically mine, you are still a big par tof me and always will be. your still in my life and were still living together sharing alot of things. i know that's the most stupid thing i could be doing.....but what do you expect from a person like me, with no backbone and pretty much the most vulnerable person ever.did you just read all of this?! of course im not gonna want you to leave, even if it is better for me. im just pure moronic idiocy. thee definition. thats all. im hoping for the best. even though im just poisoning myself.
"IM A FUCKING WALKING PARADOX"
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