I don't understand what I'm still doing. Why I still bother. It's always the same old shit. I don't know why I still care.
I am now at the bottom of this somber hole in the ground. And I'm here alone. Ivan has found some sort of way to crawl out. He was never in love. In lust, yes. In love, never. Not with me. With everything and everyone BUT me. He has completely given up. He never wanted to try again. HE DID ACTUALLY and claims to have never said he wanted to try again. But he did. And just GAVE UP. Hes barely trying to even be a dad. He's not emotionally or mentally there for the baby. And I have to be mom and dad most of the time. I just don't know why I'm still in love with him. I don't want to be. I hate it. If there was any possible way I could have never met Ivan but still keep my beautiful daughter. I'd rather take that route. But not all wishes come true:'(