I don't understand what I'm still doing. Why I still bother. It's always the same old shit. I don't know why I still care.
I am now at the bottom of this somber hole in the ground. And I'm here alone. Ivan has found some sort of way to crawl out. He was never in love. In lust, yes. In love, never. Not with me. With everything and everyone BUT me. He has completely given up. He never wanted to try again. HE DID ACTUALLY and claims to have never said he wanted to try again. But he did. And just GAVE UP. Hes barely trying to even be a dad. He's not emotionally or mentally there for the baby. And I have to be mom and dad most of the time. I just don't know why I'm still in love with him. I don't want to be. I hate it. If there was any possible way I could have never met Ivan but still keep my beautiful daughter. I'd rather take that route. But not all wishes come true:'(

Falling.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I don't know what other mind set to have other than that in order for me to get over you and to not think of you:(
I don't know how to function. I'm not happy and I can't live knowing you don't love me. I can't stand this. It's killing me. And you've Hurt me enough that I should REALLY hate you buy OFCOURSE I don't. I actually still love you and want to be with you more than ever. But you don't want me in any way and I don't know how to cope. I




NO, I'm NOT OKAY. And I don't know what to do.
:'[

I want to be done

I've never met another individual SO STUPID. IGNORANT, ARROGANT AND FUCKING STUUUUUPID, in my entire life. He's the biggest asshole I've ever encountered. And UNFORTUNATELY I have to share my child with him. He's the biggest piece of shit on this planet. I've never HATED SOMEONE so much in my life:'( idk why I keep on and keep on with him. He's hurt me enough and just keeps digging this knife farther and farther into my heart. I hate him. I've never wanted to not love someone SO BAD ever in my life.

Other than my daughter,

These guys make me smile. They deserve the world. I will always be there for them and stand behind them 100% of the time. My brothers, my friends, my family. For always.

You ruined my family.

Aleina will never get to experience what it's like to have a family. And it breaks my heart everyday. I don't understand what I did? I don't understand why your PERFECTLY fine. I don't get why I have to hurt. Why this was out on MY shoulders when you are the one who left your family.