Sunday, May 26, 2013
I'd like to be my old self again, but im still trying to find it.
Dear 15 year old Ashley, it was amazing, great and fun. free spirited and mildly wild. I found myself missing that part of my life. Wishing so much that I could relive it all and not change a thing. The one thing I have learned through out this short life I have lived...The only constant is change. Think about it, nothing stays the same, we move away, stray away from friends, lose family members, hate and love family members, fall in and out of love, move cities away, grow babies, make a family, build a home, buy a new car or rent a used one. So many things and so many changes. Its inevitable. it cannot be stopped. You learn to go with it. Once you stop and look around and actually take in all that has changed, you start to miss all the old things and the way you used to live your life. Wish you could go back and live it all...believe me it would be wonderful. I wouldn't trade my life now for anything in the world. I grew an absolutely gorgeous little human and I love her like I've never loved anything else in my life. I learned what LOVE really was when I met my daughter, Aleina Marie Torres the early morning of August the 25th, 2011. Her father, Ivan Nivardo, is the other half of my soul and I thank the lord everyday that I met him. I don't know where I'd be or who I'd be if he didn't come across little ol' me. Things are hard, things get so tough. We have ups and downs, more downs than ups these days. But I try my hardest to keep in mind that "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." Because for every dark night there is a brighter day. I know everything will be okay, sooner or later I will be content with life to the fullest and live the life I've always wanted with my family that I have always dreamed about. I cannot wait. I am hopeful and optimistic as much as I can be. Don't give up, try, try again. When life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and politely say, 'you hit like a bitch'. Corniest line ever, but I honestly feel that's the way you have to be towards life, courageous, bold, brave and fearless. I can conquer anything I set my mind to. I will, and you can watch me or join me. I can promise you will learn something either way.
xoxoxo, Ashley.
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